Marriage 101: Your Spouse Is Not Your Competition

The two shall become one.....

The two shall become one is a phrase that so many couples overlook before and after marriage! Let’s analyze this phrase for a moment. It simply means we are one in the same! Although we are different, we come together to live a life that is created as one couple. What I have, you have. Whatever you achieve, I achieve. Neither of us is better than the other. We both bring unique attributes to the table and feast on that abundance of wisdom and knowledge together. So why are so many married couples in competition with one another?

Competitions should be left to sporting events and the like. A marriage is no place for competition. A competition means there is something to gain. So what is it that you have to gain by competing with your spouse. You already have the prize, so what more is there to obtain.

Jealousy plays a huge part in why so many couples compete with one another. The husband gets upset because the wife receives accolades after achieving a promotion. The wife is upset because the husband is praised by his friends and colleagues for achieving a huge accomplishment. So what happens next? They both do their best to outdo the other to prove their superiority. They compete with each other to prove who’s the best. However, the issue here is who is trying to prove what to whom? You are one!

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Marriage is not like a checker board game. You shouldn’t have to be forever having to prove to your spouse that you are well equipped or to others that you are the better half. I absolutely hate that saying because together you make the best whole. What one can’t do, the other picks up the slack. It doesn’t mean the one who can’t do is insignificant. It just means he or she has strengths and weaknesses like every other human being.

So don’t compete with the one who you decided to spend this life with into eternity! Instead be thankful that God gave you someone who can not only match your greatness but can also supersede it. Be inspired by the shine that illuminates from your spouse because when he or she glows, you are glowing too! When your spouse accomplishes something major, be proud. Lift them up and encourage them. You should be flattered because you chose someone extraordinary with dreams, goals, and aspirations. You chose someone of value.

It takes a level of maturity to understand this concept. Mature adults understand that you don’t compete with your spouse in an unhealthy way. Unhealthy competition involves deliberately causing your spouse to feel like what they have done or achieved doesn’t matter so you outdo them instead of being their biggest cheerleader. Pay attention to how you respond when your spouse achieves something major. Do you congratulate and celebrate them? Or do you criticize them and tell them what they did wrong or tell them how you would have done it better? It doesn’t matter how you would have done things. They had a vision and set out to accomplish that vision. Be proud and partake in that same vision. Again I can’t stress this enough. You are one!!!

Marriage isn’t always easy. I’ve been married for over 18 years and can attest to how difficult it can be. However, it is worth it if you are willing to put in the work. Your marriage will not last if unhealthy competition is involved. You will learn to resent your spouse and keep your small victories to yourself due to fear of competition. However, it just shouldn’t be that way. You should be excited to tell your partner in life what you have done because you know they have your back and will be happy and excited for you. If you don’t have that, you will never be truly happy and one entity in your marriage. Put in the work to be one!

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